Hell's Kitchen Short Cuts (apology to Mr. Altman)

They finally repaved 8th avenue after leaving it scraped and raw for weeks, and the day after, stuck in the fresh asphalt in the middle of the street was a Master padlock. It had sunk in until it was perfectly flush with the surface, so I'm thinking ain't nobody gettin' that out. It's part of the street now. For some reason the thought of some poor bike messenger cursing and buying a new one made me grin. If he only knew that his old padlock had achieved immortality.

Walking down 9th avenue, an elderly lady with a) immaculately-coiffed old-lady helmet hair, b) Jackie O sunglasses, c) full-length mink, open to reveal d) purple velour tube top?!?, e) incredibly tight jeans, and f) in between d and e, the muffin-top from hell. At what point in her psychotherapy did that train run off the rails?

As I passed the pet store, I got a brief snippet from two teenage girls headed in the other direction: one pointed to the cat sleeping in the window and said to the other "Ohmigod, is that real?" Gee, a real live cat asleep in the window of a pet shop. As opposed to a cleverly-designed fake cat, which are all the rage nowadays. What are the odds?