The Circle of Life... or something

The other day I was walking past the park when I noticed a commotion on the sidewalk. Unlike the usual NYC commotion, it consisted of two enormous green-and-gold beetles and a small brown bird. The beetles were buzzing wildly and flopping all over the place, but they couldn't fly away for some reason. At first I couldn't figure out why they seemed to be stuck to each other at the abdomen but then it clicked: oh. They're stuck to each other at the abdomen. [They're mating, kids. Go ask mom what that means and while you're at it have her read the rest of this post before you do, OK?] And meanwhile, the industrious and completely unfazed little bird is hopping around pecking at them, trying to eat them! There's a New Yorker for you, eh? Don't mind me, you guys do what ya gotta do and maybe you'll finish before I'm done eating you alive. He was probably critiquing their technique in a genial Bronx accent between pecks. "Naw, naw, lissen, ya gotta get a little higher up on 'er, ya see, buddy, cuz that's what ya call leverage, see?"

Nature is pretty simple when you get right down to it, isn't it? Eat! Fuck! Die! Eat! Fuck! Die! Eat! Fuck! Die! All at the same time in one square foot of sidewalk. I only wish I knew what type of beetle these were; they were gorgeous and irridescent (aha! L'Oreal at work!) and about two inches long. Truly striking. I hope at least one of them lived to mate another day.

Of course, usually we don't wait for Nature to take care of things. The very next day I walked out of my building to find that one of the pretty trees growing out front was horizontal on the sidewalk with a big gash at the base of the trunk, having knocked the bus stop sign seriously askew when it fell. My super was hanging out on the stoop as he often is in the morning, so I gestured to the wrecked tree and asked, "What happened?" Being a man possessed of an admirable economy with the language, he said, "Truck." Yeah, that'll do it.